does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
