he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
