and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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