So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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