1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
