I'm really into asian looking animals
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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