So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
