I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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