I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
