Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
