So drunk its hurt
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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