thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Four minutes until I can fart!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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