I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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