I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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