I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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