12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
