I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
