there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
