I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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