We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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