Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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