And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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