Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Blood and glitter go together right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
