Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize