So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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