I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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