i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
