shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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