first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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