you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
