shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
