Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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