i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
