That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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