I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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