Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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