Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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