Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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