Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
