Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize