Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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