apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
