You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
