i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
