You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
