Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
