her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
