Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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