his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
