worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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