Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
