I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
