I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
