Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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