just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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