Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
