Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
