Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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