Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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