Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so that wasnt chicken after all
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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