Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
