I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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