yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Actions speak louder than pants.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize