she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
