awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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