Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
