I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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