Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize