im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
