My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
