I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
