I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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