I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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