she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
