so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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