The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
