They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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