Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize