dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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