I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
