I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
