I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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