if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
