I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize