They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
