i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
