it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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