Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
