Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
