I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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