i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
