So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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