Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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