We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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