READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
