My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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