Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
