My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How external is "for external use only"?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
