Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
