Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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