i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
