Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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