Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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