how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
