I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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